Tears

Another night of tears and pain.. I wanted very much to write a happy post today.. But seems like my life does not have any of those happiness.. Woke up late like usual and had my breakfast + lunch altogether , in front of the TV.. Typical TV lunch person... Then watch a bit of every series that I actually follow.. All 3 at the same time.. How crammed! Hmmmf... =P

Nothing to do and feel very useless.. Computer online all day.. But everyone else has a life and were pretty busy with their life unlike me.. Like I have been told.. I'm a useless brat anyway..
Thanks for info..! Now I clearly understand how you people feel about me... I don't blame you..
>.<~ I read a chapter of my horror story book with the title " The Keeper " .. Was not that interesting so I didnt move on to the next chapter.. Leave it for tomorrow.. Went to read the newspapers.. Called 'The Junk' Roselyn for an interview tomorrow.. Got nothing to do.. Successful or not actually I do not mind.. Searched for a few jobs already..Nothing that meets what I want.. I know.. fussy me.. Hmm.. Well... I still have tomorrow's newspapers advert. to look forward to! Wanna make dis short.. Hmm. Shared with my friend about my painful experience of what is happening to me now.. Making me feel so lowly and sad at this moment while writing this blog. Cried till my eyes kinda hurt now.. My lips are sore because of the tissue paper I used to dry my tears that rolled from my eyes to my cheeks and my lips... =( Well.. All this that is happening to me .. happens for a reason.. But I have yet to understand the real reason behind all this... Lord, please show me... Bring him back, Lord.
Give him strength to go on. I trust in You Oh God! =(

I dreamnt of you...
You were the same you like I knew you in real life..
With that handsome smile of yours that melts my heart..
You look better in my dreams actually..
I was happy to be able to see you again in my dreams..
Because you are far away from me..
I wanted to know the feeling of you loving me again..
But.....
In my dreams, you hurt me again..
Again and again I feel my heart being stomp on the ground hard..
It shattered..
I tried picking it up..
But in my dreams I failed..
I fall ..
I tremble..
I hid..
I cried..
For what I saw in my dreams..
You held that girl's hand..
So tightly ..
So warm..
You were smiling...
I saw happiness in your eyes..
But you didnt look back to my direction..
You were too busy smiling at her..
Admiring her hair..
Her smile...
Caressing her smooth hand...
Laughing at her jokes..
Listening to her every word with every beat of your heart..
I was behind you all along..
But you never noticed the tears I'm crying for you...
You never turn back to give me a second of glance..
I broke down and cried.. while you were smiling so happily...
The pain in my heart that I felt in my dream awakens me...
My face felt wet..
My pillow was wet because of my tears...
I realised...
I cried even when I was asleep..
I never knew how much you really meant to me..
I saw your life being filled with happiness in my dreams...
If I'd say I'm not jealous of that girl..
I would be lying..
But honestly..
I'm happy for you..
Because............................

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