Tears

Another night of tears and pain.. I wanted very much to write a happy post today.. But seems like my life does not have any of those happiness.. Woke up late like usual and had my breakfast + lunch altogether , in front of the TV.. Typical TV lunch person... Then watch a bit of every series that I actually follow.. All 3 at the same time.. How crammed! Hmmmf... =P

Nothing to do and feel very useless.. Computer online all day.. But everyone else has a life and were pretty busy with their life unlike me.. Like I have been told.. I'm a useless brat anyway..
Thanks for info..! Now I clearly understand how you people feel about me... I don't blame you..
>.<~ I read a chapter of my horror story book with the title " The Keeper " .. Was not that interesting so I didnt move on to the next chapter.. Leave it for tomorrow.. Went to read the newspapers.. Called 'The Junk' Roselyn for an interview tomorrow.. Got nothing to do.. Successful or not actually I do not mind.. Searched for a few jobs already..Nothing that meets what I want.. I know.. fussy me.. Hmm.. Well... I still have tomorrow's newspapers advert. to look forward to! Wanna make dis short.. Hmm. Shared with my friend about my painful experience of what is happening to me now.. Making me feel so lowly and sad at this moment while writing this blog. Cried till my eyes kinda hurt now.. My lips are sore because of the tissue paper I used to dry my tears that rolled from my eyes to my cheeks and my lips... =( Well.. All this that is happening to me .. happens for a reason.. But I have yet to understand the real reason behind all this... Lord, please show me... Bring him back, Lord.
Give him strength to go on. I trust in You Oh God! =(

I dreamnt of you...
You were the same you like I knew you in real life..
With that handsome smile of yours that melts my heart..
You look better in my dreams actually..
I was happy to be able to see you again in my dreams..
Because you are far away from me..
I wanted to know the feeling of you loving me again..
But.....
In my dreams, you hurt me again..
Again and again I feel my heart being stomp on the ground hard..
It shattered..
I tried picking it up..
But in my dreams I failed..
I fall ..
I tremble..
I hid..
I cried..
For what I saw in my dreams..
You held that girl's hand..
So tightly ..
So warm..
You were smiling...
I saw happiness in your eyes..
But you didnt look back to my direction..
You were too busy smiling at her..
Admiring her hair..
Her smile...
Caressing her smooth hand...
Laughing at her jokes..
Listening to her every word with every beat of your heart..
I was behind you all along..
But you never noticed the tears I'm crying for you...
You never turn back to give me a second of glance..
I broke down and cried.. while you were smiling so happily...
The pain in my heart that I felt in my dream awakens me...
My face felt wet..
My pillow was wet because of my tears...
I realised...
I cried even when I was asleep..
I never knew how much you really meant to me..
I saw your life being filled with happiness in my dreams...
If I'd say I'm not jealous of that girl..
I would be lying..
But honestly..
I'm happy for you..
Because............................

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Heart

Surprisingly as I browse through the channels on Astro, MTV caught my attention for at least 10 minutes. A video clip from Pink on her 2006 debut song 'Who Knew' and also Kelly Clarkson's 'Walk Away'.. Both so controversial in fact !

Since Valentine's Day is just around the corner, there were these pop up messages you can actually send to MTV so that the intended people your message is for, can actually read it, together with the peeple who were happening to watch that video clip at that moment. I assumed there were guys and girls sending in those messages from the look of their names. Many were expressing how bad their love experiences were. How painful it is when the love of their life has finally dissappeared. How hateful the emotions involved were. The forever and undying misery that can never seem to have an end to it. And what those experiences have left them with what they are now.. However, some did expressed that love teaches them a lot and they are learning from those painful experiences to be a stronger person! In short, they would never give up on love. Never.

Pink's story behind her song, she keeps the memory of her love one forever. For he has made a promise to her and their love will be forever. If anyone comes to advice her to move on because in three years time (separation duration) He would be long gone. As in he would never come back to her arms. So move on! Pink would defend him and give them a good punch for she believes her love will come back.

Pink's story has moved me. Waiting is not something easy to do. It takes a lot of courage, discipline and also faith in yourself and your lover. I believe if its true love. Waiting would not be that hard for us. The heart knows it the best for a thousand miles could never break the undying bond of love in the hearts of true lovers. Which we often called as loyalty and unconditional love.

On the other hand, Kelly is telling us that we have to move on because some guys are really players. When they got you , they take you for granted. So if they do not care for you, just move on. Don't wait for them like a kid waiting for their ride home after school. Girls are looking for attention and love and care from their lover. If they don't have an answer for that. They ain't for you.Guys, if you don't care about a girl at all, just leave .. Don't leave things hanging around and get the girl's emotion all mixed up. It could ruin our lives. You might be the cause of everything bad that's happening in her life. A scar for life.
Psychology distress and negativity is no game. It's a murderer. Better safe than sorry. If you do not want a relationship, then don't even try to outburst your mixed up #$$#$@$ emotions and decide to take it back later.
Pretender, just WALK AWAY!

Valentine's day is soooo near. You can see Valentine's gift stalls mushrooming around the city. Lovers joking around on what they should get for each other. Gift orders flying here and there. Friends or relatives busy with Valentine preparations to earn an extra income in their pocket. Broken hearts expressing how much they miss their ex's and how much they would love to spend Valentine's with them. Loners who speaks of how lonely this year 2007's Valentine would be again.. What's more, hearts that frets every single beat of their heart because they have not capture the hearts of the one they love....

As for me, Valentine's would be again lonely too.. Loner's category! *sigh* However, in a way I am glad and still happy because the Lord has not let go of the hands of someone I deeply love. Lord, please hold on tight. >.<

a friend...
a neighbour...
affliate...
a 'hi and goodbye' friend...
or even as an enemy..
or someone whom I would never meet again..

Any it may be Lord.. Just let him live on, be healthy and happy..
Thank You from the bottom of my heart Lord..

~~!~~!~~!~~!~~!~~!~~!~~!~~

If I could give you one thing in life,
I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes,
only then would you realize how special you are to me...

When I saw you I liked you,
when I liked you I loved you,
when I loved you I lost you.

I love you more than any word can say ...
I love you more than every action I take ...
I'll be right here loving you till the end.

~~!~~!~~!~~!~~!~~!~~!~~!~~

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I Still Do..

A Silent Love

From the very beginning, the girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy. Saying that it has got to do with family background & that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him.

Due to family's pressure, the couple quarrel very often. Though the girl love the guy deeply, but she always ask him: "How deep is your love for me?"

As the guy is not good with his words, this often cause the girl to be very upset. With that & the family's pressure, the girl often vent her anger on him. As for him, he only endure it in silence.

After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies in overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the girl: "I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?"

The girl agreed, & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them get married. So before he leave, they got engaged.

The girl went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls. Though it's hard, but both never thought of giving up.

One day, while the girl was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. When she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realised that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum crying, she wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. She has lost her voice......

The doctors says that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing coming out from her, she broke down.

During the stay in hospital, besides silence cry,.....it's still just silence cry that companied her.

Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone. Which pierced into her heart everytime it rang. She does not wish to let the guy know. & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer.

With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions & millions of reply, and countless of phonecalls,.. all the girl could do, besides crying, is still crying....

The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy.

With a new environment, the girl learn sign language & started a new life. Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy. One day, her friend came & told her that he's back. She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of him.

A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope, containing an invitation card for the guy's wedding. The girl was shattered. When she open the letter, she saw her name in it instead.

When she was about to ask her friend what's going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her. He used sign language telling her "I've spent a year's time to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You" With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger. The girl finally smiled.

" Love, you said you didn't want to see me get hurt,
so does that mean you closed your eyes when I cried? "
manda 28012007 0337

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Baby I Loved You

Aku yang lemah tanpamu

Aku yang rentan karena

Cinta yang t'lah hilang

Darimu yang mampu menyanjungku

Selama mata terbuka

Sampai jantung tak berdetak

Selama itu pun aku mampu

Untuk mengenangmu

Darimu kutemukan hidupku

Bagiku kaulah cinta sejati

Bila yang tertulis untukku

Adalah yang terbaik untukmu

Kan kujadikan kau

Kenangan yang terindah dalam hidupku

Namun takkan mudah bagiku

Meninggalkan jejak hidupku

Yang t'lah terukir abadi

Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

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Paint

Everyday I told myself that I should blog on things that runs through my mind. Especially deep thoughts about what is going on in my life. My reason for that is things that happen can be easily erased from my memories. Therefore it comes to the question, how much memory can we store in our life? *i know mine's limited* Haha! ^^

Throughout the years, the only phone numbers I can remember are those who I called when I was going through my primary school ! My best friends numbers! Both my grandparents place! Home sweet home.. Daddy and Mummy's cellphone.. I think that's about it.. The rest are vague.. Gotta guess it till its right ! Lousy memory huh? =P

The poor memory I have really stabs me a lot when it comes to studies. Gotta remember a lot of things so that I can apply them. But seems like my brain is more than what we describe as rotten.. Prolly decaying every single second. Really bad news ! >.<~ *sobs* However when it comes to things we WANT to remember.. Things like happy memories you spent with the people you love.. Your family.. Friends.. Colleagues..Affliates.. or... A Special Someone.. The good memory just comes naturally.. Its because you want to remember them.. I ts the strong desire you have within you..

Remembering

• Cellphone numbers
• Eventful dates
• His/Her favourites (food,color,songs,movie,shirt,place)

what's more...

• The television series she/he watches
• His/Her favourite football team and player vice versa the football team he/she does not supports!
• His/Her car plate number
• The perfume he/she likes!
• His/Her school time schedule
• His/Her friends
• His/Her dreams and goals

Important happenings.. Like the 1st time you both first met..

1. A detailed picture of the shirt he/she was wearing..
2. The earrings she wore that ( day, afternoon or evening )
3. Her/His smile ( Even if got something stuck in between his/her teeth =P~ )
4. The venue/place where everything happened..
5. The friends who were surrounding you
6. The weather ( Sunny? Windy? Cloudy? Chilling? Hot? Bright? Dark?)
7. The tone of his/her voice when you both were first introduced..
8. The jokes we laughed at..
9. The seconds/minutes when you were the limelight of the conversation
10. The seconds/minutes when he/she was the limelight of the convie...
11. The model of his/her cellphone!
12. The friends whom he/she was close to..
....
....
....
....
.... The goodbyes and 'see you again' 's.. >.<~

The list goes on forever..

All those minor details.. Something which no one else could remember or sense it..

but

ONLY YOU..

It all goes back down to..

YOU

IT WAS YOUR DESIRE ..

One month to Valentine's Day.. Exactly 31 days..
Preparing for another quiet and lonely valentine....

" Family been painting the house.. ^-^ "

manda 140107 2342

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1st Entry!

First entry on my new bloggie..! Started blogging since 2004 or was it 2003?
Never successful in keeping it updated. I guess I didn't had the luxury of time
like I'm having now ! A long summer holiday of three months..
A month has already passed so quickly.. And I'm already half rotten/decayed..

Life changes rapidly.. Used to look forward to holidays so much when I
was kid.. As a teenager, yeah.. pretty much the same.. ^^
It's all because there's so much fun to grasp every second..
However, this holiday doesn't feel the same as those mentioned previously..
My university's holiday schedule is so much different than the other universities..
Everyone is busy with their life.. Rushing for assignments.. Burning midnight oil
for their upcoming examinations.. Keeping studies consistent..

No time for Manda.. No time to bring Manda out.. =(

Manda can bring herself out! Yeah.. But where ? >.<
No good company also..
Sad... *sobS*

The routine I have everyday is pretty much the same..
Sleep.. Eat.. Watch TV.. Surf the net(if lucky friends are on9)..Eat.. Watch TV.. Sleep
Seems like the relaxing life of every retiree.. =P~
Nothing to worry about..
Just let the clock ticks its way!

On a 'extraordinary' days..prolly get invited to badminton with friends.. *yay!*
Or.. supper with friends.. But its so 'extraordinary' ! *hummph*

Everyone say I should get a part-time job.. Yeah .. I would love that..
However, I have to admit.. I'm a little lazy.. er.. VERY lazy to go for
a job hunt around the city.. >.<~ *sorry le..*
Salary expectation also very high.. *giggles* Unless..
It's something I like to do ! *yippie!*
I called once to a company of a field I like!..
The manager said he would return my call the next day..
I waited by the phone all day.. Scare I might miss his call..
But but... But... He didn't call ! *waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!*
And its already 3 days since he said he will call..

Do you think he will return my call ? >.<~
Or.. Should I give him another call ?
What should I do friends ? =(

- Awaiting a phone call -

manda 120107 0103

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